3:13am Dubai Airport

I have this problem where I treat any foreign currency as monopoly money.  For example, it's currently 3:13 in the am here in Dubya and we decided on yet another little cafe to have some snacks and drinks while we wait for our 5:55am flight to Doha, Qatar.  The waiter handed me the menu and I just start ordering things like some type of guy who thinks foreign currency is monopoly money for lack of a better analogy.  

I realize my posts have been a tad sporatic.  To be honest this trip has truly had an identity all to its own.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  

The shows have been fantastic.  After the show in Al Dhafra we decided to draw straws to determine the lineup.  It went from me opening the show to Lauren as the feature and then Johnny closing it out.  But like most things its good to force yourself out of the comfort zone and so we were all drunk and decided to start cutting up straws and so the first show in Djibouti featured a Matt-> Johnny-> Lauren lineup.  Then last night we drew a Johnny-> Lauren-> Matt lineup.  Tomorrow in Qatar we drew the traditional lineup of Matt-> Lauren-> Johnny.  The idea is that depending on your spot it obviously can influence what you say, how you say it and how you either set up the person before or after you.  It's been a great exercise.

Personally, going last last night was good for me.  It's challenging to be on a bill with two such accomplished comedians and to recognize that and push yourself to turn in a performance worthy of the final spot.  I was fortunate that we had several great things happen yesterday not to mention the past few days that really helped my material.  

I guess the first thing I would mention is that in Dubai and Djibouti we were displaced from our original lodging and for some reason when the U.S. military displaces you it tends to be a good thing, unless of course you're Native American.  

In Dubai we stayed in the Ramada Al Jaweeda.  Good times.  In Djibouti we spent one night in the CLUs(Contained Living Unit) which are basically large Cones boxes before the military saying sorry and moving us to the Kempinski Hotel.  Google it.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.  See.  I told you.  

So on the one hand we really haven't been roughing it.  But on the other hand we haven't had our luggage for 7 days.  Finally today we got a human being on the phone at Turkish Airlines and they went from telling us that the case was closed to saying, 

"Oh Shit bro, they're totally right here.  My bad bro-ham."  So then we asked them to send the bags to Doha where we're going next and they said, 

"Oh...no can do.  Our policy is for you to come get them." 

"But we're in Africa?"   

"Oh no way?!  Really?  How is that place?"

"Sir, can we focus?"

"Right.  Well we can mail them to one address."

"Thats fine."  

"Where should we send them?"

"Los Angeles."

"Is that in Africa?"

To be honest the trip has taught us that number one, checking bags is completely unnecessary and number two it is pretty much the equivalent of loading a bag with all your favorite clothes and lighting the bag on fire.  

As far as Africa goes.  I will say this.  Yesterday I got to pet a cheetah.  Yeah.  A cheetah.  Not just a cheetah but also an ostrich, a zebra and an oracks which is like a big multi-colored deer. We went to this giant cheetah refuge where we were allowed inside this fenced in area.  I'm trying to think of the best way to describe it and I would say its like being in a narrow hallway except the walls are made of chicken wire, no ceiling and there are cheetahs on the other side.  And someone said we could pet the cheetahs and we were all like, "sounds good."  It's amazing how willing we are to do something so totally dangerous and insane.  At any moment the cheetah could have literally ripped our faces off but it was explained to us that the cheetah will truly only hunt animals their size or smaller and they don't really slash and tear.  They are much more likely to bite your neck and suffocate you.  Drowned by a cheetah.  

It was yet another example of a different type of humanitarian work the Armed Forced are doing overseas and I know that sounds like a paradox.  How could we be doing anything for humanity with a gun slung over our backs but if you drove where we did in Djibouti and Kyrgystan and saw the way that the majority of these people are forced to live by greedy tyrannical governments it really does make you wonder what our responsibility is to the world.  To see a6 year old Kyrgyz girl standing in the cold as we boarded our bus and then to see a girl of the same age in Djibouti standing in garbage asking for money... it is extremely startling.  

The scenery at the cheetah refuge was maginficent.  It felt like and looked like the African grasslands you see in movies and on tv.  We were there for the sunset and it was a complete moment of happiness.  

There was a really interesting moment as well when we were standing on one side of the hyena enclosure and on the other side was a grade school field trip.  And we were staring at these kids and they were staring back at us and the Hyenas were like, "HELLOOOOOO??? Um...we're the attraction here!"  But as much as it was shocking to see the animals it was equally as shocking for those kids to see us and for us to see these kids again, like the school in Kyrgystan.  The dress, the attitude, the type of living situations they were in were obviously what they were use to but again you can't help but feel really fortunate to have been born in the United States.  

As crazy and messed up as our country is at times we are doing ok but more importantly we're in a place where we could be doing so much better, evolving quicker and not to mention impacting and assisting the world around us in a more productive way.  It is truly a shame that so many people go hungry in these countries or lack basic necessities and meanwhile we are forced to or maybe we choose to concentrate on dealing with the violence.  

Btw, its almost 5am so this may seem a little heavy.  But if you want light fare then go turn on Jersey Shore or American Idol.  I'm not interested in peddaling bullshit like that anyway.  

Off to Qatar...