Kyrgystan-> Istanbul...

Wed. January 20th 2010.  

0745am Camp Lemonier Djibouti, Africa

75 degrees.  HUMID.  Hot.  Sticky. Wet.

"The night was hot and wet. The night was wet and hot.  It was humid.  Just say humid."

We are officially half way through the trip.  On January 29th we'll be returning home from this little excursion.  To all of you reading we appreciate it.   

The one thing we all keep saying is how incredible it is that telling jokes has provided us the good fortune to be able to experience a journey like this.  In 10 days Johnny and LA Bishop will go back to LA and I will be off to London for a week of snow, bangers and mash and just all around good times with my sister but I can say for certain that we will be sad to see this trip end.  

After that I'm off to LA.  On Feb 10th I'll be taping(Airdate TBD) my 4th appearance on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and on Friday Feb. 12th I will be on the Playboy Radio Morning Show.  

Visiting the Late Late Show is a milestone.  A benchmark if you will.  It is a place that has incredible significance in my life and certainly the fact that my appearances have begun to coincide with my trips over here I can't help but see it as a point of reflection.  

Not to mention the fact that without going to that show I wouldn't be where I am as a comedian and without leaving that show I would not be where I am as a comedian and more importantly as a person.   

I read this great article about the current economic state and mood in the US and the world as it relates to young people who are out of college or getting out. The unemployment rate is at 15% for grads which is 5% higher than that of the general population and I realized I've been out for 10 years but the article suggests that as the economy struggles to correct itself people will be alright with making less money and we will begin to prioritize life, family, friends and experience over material possessions.  

On my desk right now in this little Conex box of a room is about 20 dirhams in coins, a security pass for a base in Africa, one pair of army issue green socks (thats right kids our luggage still hasn't been found)  Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder is crushing my eardrums, I am as close to broke as I've ever been and I have this big smile on my face.   

I've realized through losing my luggage, and throwing a few things into a backpack, through visiting impoverished children in Kyrgystan, driving by complete and utter poverty here in Djibouti and then standing in the clear blue water surrounding the Jemeriah Hotel, empty of tourists because no one has the money to pay $5000 a night for a room that doesn't even face the Gulf, I realized that the value of the dollar isn't just crashing on Wall Street but in my mind as well.   

We're smile salesman the three of us.  

(PAUSE)

Revelry and the Star Spangled Banner just played.

Two F16s just launched immediately after the music stopped.  

As my friend Lauren says, "That didn't suck."  

When last I wrote I believe we were leaving Kyrgystan.  We left for the Bishkek airport at 0100 to check in once again about Johnny's bag that had until this point avoided him.  There aren't very many places on earth more terrifying than the Bishkek airport at 1am.  

Luckily we had our escorts.  Jeff from the US and Russell who was a native.  I don't know what we would have done without them.  Russell managed to get down to an arriving flight just as we were going through security and he found Johnny's bag.  Johnny had all of two minutes to hug his bag before rechecking it.  Meanwhile something Russell said to me was swimming around in my head as I approached the immigration offiial.  Rusesell had taken a look at all of our passports and after looking at mine he said that I might have trouble because my visa from last year didn't have a departure stamp.  He couldn't have been more correct.  The Kyrgyz official flipped through my book and said they were going to have to hold me there until they cleared up the issue and that I would be missing my flight.  

I yelled over the booth to Lauren to go get Russell who hurried over and after a few minutes of incoherent discussion between the two of them Russell explained that the official would allow me to pass if I paid him the Visa fee of $70.  I shit you not.  I paid off a gov't official to let me through immigration.  To anyone who doesn't believe that governments are corrupt organizations free of the constraints of conscience are seriously delusional.  

We walked through customs, I handed Russell four twenties and he ran back to the immigration official.  A moment later he returned with my passport and without my change.  It was just like the scene in Vacation when Chevy Chase hands the guy $10 for directions after the guy asked for $5 and the guy just casually folds the $10 into is roll without ever thinking to offer change.  "Now you see which direction you pointing... thats good..."

It didn't matter.  We were through and we were on our way to Istanbul.  When we arrived in Istanbul we had several hours to kill before leaving for Abu Dhabi.  We were given passes into the terminal but we had to return at 11am for our boarding passes.  It was now 8am Istanbul time.  I can't sleep on airplanes but Johnny and Lauren were able to get a few hours on the 6 hour flight.  Istanbul airport is beautiful and we found nice cafe to sit and relax until our flight.  We ended up being there for quite sometime and when the bill finally came it seemed to have a few discrepancies.  The exchange rate was off and the manager explained that the cafe, because it was inside the airport, was entitled to set it's own rate.  This seemed to upset Lauren who then took control like I've never seen anyone take control in a situation since the time we went to McDonald's when I was 6 and it was 1031 and my mom wanted breakfast.  Hell hath no fury!  Johnny and I sat there while the discussion became even more heated and my nightmares of a Kyrgyz holding cell slowly transformed into that of a Turkish holding cell.  So we did what any chicken nugget eating, country music listening American would do.  We paid what we deemed the exchange rate to be and then ran.  

It wasn't until we had wheels up that I felt totally comfortable.  And a few, "Oh My God the guy from the cafe is on the plane" jokes later I realized that Etihad airlines is a sweet airline to fly.  25 movies, free wine, pasta, salmon, lamb and 3 seats to myself.  

to be continued...